Holy crap last night at work sucked the life right out of me. I had this 30y old CF patient that was just a hot freakin mess. He made me so so sad yet so annoyed and frustrated at the same time!
CF is just a terrible disease and this guys life just sucks major balls but for the first time ever I requested not to have my same patient to the day charge nurse on the way out. I've never done that before...normally I can handle the same patients 2, 3, or 4 nights in a row...hell I even had the kid that literally dropped his heart rate to zero when I changed his diaper and I took him on for 4 out of 6 nights! I just can't do it again with this guy though. I truly feel sorry for him and all he's been through. The fact that he still keeps going is just remarkable and I give his mother all the credit in the world for taking care of him day after day when I could barely handle 12 hours with him.
He was constantly banging on his bed to get my attention and talking (around his trach no less) about how scared he was and how he wanted me to knock him out and not let him die and he really just wanted me to stand at his bed all night and hold his hand but I just couldn't.
I feel like a bad nurse on nights where I can't do everything my patient wants but honestly by the time 4am rolled around I began to ignore his siderail banging and wanted to give myself the 4mg of Ativan that the docs finally decided to give to him!
Then on the way home I heard this song and listened to it 4 times and just felt even worse for the guy...not bad enough to call in and say ill take him back tomorrow but bad enough that I will at least help out whatever nurse has him if I can...I wish there was a video for this song cuz I think everyone in the world should hear it sung by Blake Morgan...it's an amazing song! Buy it or download it if you can!!
It's not like I haven't tried and tried
It isn't where I look but what I find
I've been keeping clear
Of stepping on the cracks
I missed just enough to keep me coming back
Oh I'm waiting for better angels
Oh I'm waiting for any lead
And though my case looks fatal
I'm still hoping better angels come to me
Better late, than not at all
Better to make the break, than take the fall
I wouldn't mind hanging on
If I could find out what I'm hanging from
Oh I'm waiting for better angels
Yeah I'm waiting for any lead
And though my case looks fatal
I'm still hoping better angels come to me
Oh I'm waiting for better angels
Yeah I'm waiting for any lead
And though my case looks fatal
I'm still hoping better angels come to me
Still hoping better angels come to me
Still hoping better angels come to me
Still hoping better angels come to me
And with that its time to sleeeeeeeeeep!
No comments:
Post a Comment